I hear you, it's not your fault. These patterns didn’t start with you, in fact, it's a story passed down from your parents – they gave you what they know.
This is the desert where you’ve been trying to make a home. What if our parents were working with survival tools to get where they are now, but didn’t know how to expand from there? They searched and searched for their oasis, but because of external, social, and generation conditioning, they learned to settle for less.
It became a means to adapted in survival mode. As a consequence, our caregivers grew to believe that becoming the person they always wished to be as hopeful, “childish” and unrealistic. They then tried to pass that story down to you.